To whomsoever it may concern:
Please ignore erroneous and libelous propaganda claiming criminal activity enacted on behalf of ze good Dr. Bartholomäus Viehzüchter, Drehs Saki, Swoosh Mkutz or the entity known as Gregg.
It is baseless and flagrantly false and clearly authored by individuals intending to harm our good standing within ze community.
Ve have dutifully helped keep ze local business operational despite hazardous conditions – proactively eliminated a criminal element – implemented efforts to help keep local wildlife populations in check – und begun a rehabilitation program for ze disenfranchised youths as a means of giving back to zis community we love so much.
Zis is the first and ONLY accurate recounting of recent events and for all legal and liability purposes any other accounts should be dismissed and discounted.