HEAR YEE, HEAR YEE!!!! Shit keeps getting more weird!!!
I got the latest brief for YOUS from your good buddy Toni, AKA Toni-BIG-Tip AKA Toni-Saves-Your-Ass
We went on night patrol with our good friend Karg the Blacksmith… I say, good friend because that’s what you’s is after wading through an army of the undead together! And boy howdy was he lucky we was there!!!
My compatriots and I were headed out towards the Barrows with Karg as Watch Commander when my feathered and ferocious friend Mr. Owl Capone spotted some movement. When we got a little closer, it turned out to be some friggin zombies! These little bastards were just lurking around, and we made pretty short work of them without much fuss, cuzz you know…that’s what we do! Everyone was rackin’ up kills and keeping the town safe and it seemed like that might be all there was to the evening…little did we know it was just the beginning!
So we continued on towards this tree, ya see…and Karg thought he should get a little closer because it looked like there was something in it, and he wanted to take a peak. Well no sooner did he get up close to it, but two zombies ATTACHED to the friggin’ tree GRABBED ONTO HIM. That’s when everything got real interesting.
Zombies started rising up out of the swamp, out of the swamp, out of practically everywhere!!! It felt like we were back home after one of our grand adventures where all of Vicki’s Exs were trying to win her back AKA NUTS!
So we went back to back as the hordes clambered towards us, and we was mowin’ them down pretty good, when MORE shambled towards us, along with a, HONEST TO ZA, VAMPIRE. Well, a lesser group might shit their britches and dies right there, but not us! No sir! Mikey started throwing holy light at that bastage, Juney created her classic weed wacker of doom, Casan and Frankie were cleaving baddies into bits, and Vicki was dropping bodies like bad habits.
When the blood-mist cleared, it was just us, Karg, and field of fully dead, dead-os. So in short…be careful out there, but you’re also welcome, ‘cuz there are a bunch less bad stuff out there now that can take a bit out of your bum-bum.
Until next time, take it easy, and don’t forget to give your good buddies the Tortletonis a “Hello” when we’re around, and carry an extra potion! Cuz stuff keeps getting deadlier out there!
Sincerely, your pal,
Toni-the-Tool Tortletoni
Artistic Rendering of The Tortletoni’s Adventure into the Barrowmaze for March 7th, 2022, by Miguelle de Tortleatoni
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