For real, we brought in some great new protein for your favorite dish!!! Trust me, it’s fantastic! Especially with a little extra buttah and gahlic. You need some new hot croc couture? Talk with us, especially cousin Vicki who’s been cooking up some GORGEOUS stuff. Now that I’ve got your attention I got a couple of things to point out for yous good people if you’re heading out to the barrows.
NUMBAH ONE: Apparently ya don’t gotta just worry about wolves and hornets and the like by the bridge, now there are friggin crocodiles!!! They’re kinda crafty, so be careful in lookin out for more beneath the surface!!!!
Anywho, you can see from my brother Franky’s account above, and Miggy’s excellent drawing what happened there. Suffice to say, if you mess with the Tortletonis, things are gonna go downhill real fast for ya.
NUMBAH TWO: There are Lizard folk, Bullywogs and giant frogs out in the swamps also. I ain’t so sure you want to be doing much other than wavin hello and keepin your distance from all of ’em, as they got no problem fighting each other, and you, and lookin at travelers as snacks for their pet giant frogs.
As before, my brothers told you all about what happened, especially them Bullywogs trying to trick us, and attacking Juney, which was about as stupid as gettin’ in a fist-fight with Vicki…
Be safe out there! Tip your guides! And if you see us around, be sure and give us a wave as well!
-Anthony “Tony-The-Tool” Tortletoni
The Tortletonis encounter a tribe of Lizardmen, giant frogs, and crocodiles. Illustrated by Miguelle de Tortleatoni
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